The Wonder of Boys

The wonder of boys.

Okay, so I know we are so different, boys and girls that is. That whole Mars/Venus thing. But seriously... besides it being physically impossible, I don't know a single girl that would do what I'm about to tell you my son did.

Here I was early last week, just minding my own business, on a conference call at work when an email from Noah's teacher pops up. She sends email updates on classroom events, etc. on a weekly basis, so I wasn't alarmed...until I read her subject line. It read, "Today". That's it. One word. Immediately I knew it wasn't going to be good.

So I opened it and read on. Here is how it started:

"Today during lunch I was walking past the boys restroom when I heard..."

Yup. I bet you are going all those places in your mind I was. And none of them are good.

She goes on to tell me that she heard several loud boys' voices. And she heard them saying things like, "Let's see if we can get it in there from here". Come to find out that a trio of boys is seeing how far they can pee. A pissing contest. Literally. And my boy was one of the trio.

She goes on to tell me that the boys were kept in at recess and all were honest and admitted to their actions.

Now like I said at the opening, I don't know a single girl that would do this, even if it was physically possible. First - we wouldn't want to make a mess, second - this is just gross, third - we tend to be a little more modest (we don't like the whole community shower thing from high school gym class) and fourth - if we are going to compete on anything, it is probably going to be number of hand bags or shoes or something! Now this is a generalization and perhaps there is some chick out there somewhere that would participate in this type of contest, but I don't personally know one.

So I picked Noah up from school that day prepared to discuss why this was so wrong. I know, I know, the whole "boys will be boys" mantra. But again, this is just gross. So I was ready to talk to Noah about how inappropriate it is to whip it out in front of others AND how unkind it would be to leave a mess in the bathroom that such a contest would encourage. Thankfully, after a little grilling Noah admitted that all he did was say, "I could get it in there from here". Now perhaps he is lying to me, but in any case he now has my VERY clear point of view on why this is wrong and why not to do it again...or to at least use his "inside voice" the next time he is involved in this type of contest so the teacher can't hear it going on from the hall.

Any One Thing

There are many difficult things about being a parent. I explored this briefly in a previous post titled, Love, Pain and the Possibility. The ache in your heart that comes as a parent when you are witness to the pain your child experiences. Whether that be from falling off a bike, being teased at school or some other superficial reason.

Then there is the pain that is caused by the very person a child should never feel pain from...a parent. If there is any one thing, one person, one relationship a child should be able to count on in this world, it is the relationship, the love of their parent.

However, this is not always the reality.

Recently Noah was riding in the back seat of his Godmother's car and playing with a Magic 8 ball. He asked the ball, "Will I see my Daddy Mark anytime soon"?

Reading the reply, Noah sighs, "Nope". And then, as if confirming the answer wasn't a surprise, he says, "Yup."

My heart broke into a tiny million pieces when I heard about this...for about the hundredth time. Every time I think about the pain Noah may be feeling or will feel, my heart shatters again. How does one explain to a child that their parent makes a choice such as this? How does one explain the reason that one parent doesn't even call, with the exception of an occasional holiday? And how can I love him enough to make up for what he's lacking on the other side.

I can't. And that kills me.

At this point, Noah hasn't asked too many questions. He seems to just accept things as they are. I would think that he hurts at times. I would think he questions at times. I would think that he is angry at times. Yet, there he is...just asking the Magic 8 Ball and sighing. No tears. No tantrums.

I know that one day he will ask more questions. I know that one day he will feel more pain. I know that one day he will be more angry.

And I will be there. And I will love him.

I know that one day, he will understand his pain. I know that one day he will move forward. I know that one day he will use his experience to help someone else.

And I will be there. And I will love him.

Because it is my day to understand my pain. It is my day that I've moved forward. And it is my experience that I will use to help him.